Dreaming has become an interesting thing since starting chemo. As we sleep and our mind sorts all of the info we have processed recently, it’s interesting to see what our subconscious is up to. During the “heavily medicated” days (those three days following chemo) I typically don’t remember my dreams. But on Friday, the haze fades and that night my mind is filled with dreams. Bits and pieces of the past week or even things further in the past that upon further reflection I realize how it applies to what I’m currently dealing with.
Last night my mind was flooded with dreams. But one particular stood out. We’ve compared this journey of treating my cancer to that of running a marathon. One foot in front of the other, no matter how tough and grueling, until we reach the finish line. (Side note: Let me be abundantly clear on one thing… I have never, nor will I probably ever have the desire to run one. I’m more of a slow yoga person and don’t particularly feel the need to run unless being chased). Regardless, crossing the finish line will hold such a powerful meaning to and many others. A sweet friend of ours even sent his medal to us and just looking at it provides me with such inspiration to keep putting one foot in front of the other each day.
Last night I ran a marathon in my dreams. I crossed the finish line where there was a 26.2 written in chalk. I laughed and cried, and then each one of the beautiful women I have met and friended along this journey, crossed it too. I was cheering as hard as I could as each one crossed that line, with more love and gratefulness than I can possibly explain. Each one of these women has had cancer and beaten it or is currently running this crazy marathon side by side with me.
I can’t stop tearing up, in a good way, at how powerful this dream was to me. During a time where the fatigue is so heavy that I’ve been in bed since Tuesday. The pure focus and determination to get through this runs deep inside of me. The inspiration of these other wonderful, strong and courageous women has formed a rock for me to stand on. Balancing me on those tough days knowing, just knowing, they have been in these running shoes and are there for me and so many others.
Through the nerves, worries and medicinal side effects, I am and always will be, hellbent on beating this cancer. I am stubborn to my core and thinking that comes in handy right now. I am going to cross that finish line and so will the others running along with me.