This week we have finally felt like we are immersed back into “life” as we are navigating this world post cancer. And this honestly felt like the first normal (if you will, because what is “normal” really? – I know, another day, another soapbox) week that I’ve had since last November. Last. Freaking. November. Folks.
Jason is finally feeling better after having gallbladder surgery, the kids are in a routine with school and I’ve been working my creative magic over here. Well, maybe it’s not magic, but stay tuned for the two projects I’ve been pouring my heart and time into for the last two months. Hopefully that will all be live this week!
During chemo, I was convinced that cancer stole so much from me. Chemo stole my ass and my life as I knew it. I knew that life would never be the same after having cancer, but I had no idea how. Even this summer, after treatment I was exhausted to my core, achy and just generally out of sorts. Nothing felt right. But the tide finally turned mid-August. I finally started to feel better physically and mentally. I’ve been able to sleep at night (and holy smokes I need my sleep!) Just ask my sweet family – I am significantly less grumpy and a MUCH more patient person after a good night’s sleep!!
I finally started to exercise again. And then quickly decided it was time to go back to bootcamp, but at my own pace and with an instructor that is so incredibly tuned in to me and the many other women she coaches who have been down this breast cancer road. It feels fantastic to feel my muscles rebuilding and to know my body, slowing but surely, is getting physically stronger. I don’t hold myself to the standards I did before. Now I just love a good workout, at whatever pace works, and I love those women in my class. Like, love them a whole whole lot. I wonder if they know how much joy it brings me to be there. To see their smiling or grimacing (because they are working out hard and kicking ass) faces. That just being there, means that I’m here. I’m living. And I am grateful.
Oh, and food tastes good again. Which brings us back around to my growing backside. The treatment for cancer did indeed cause me to lose my ass, weight, hair, energy, muscle, boobs and brain power. But only for a bit (except for the boobs, cause they gone for good). But it brought me so much more. It brought me here. Treatment enabled me to have a perspective on life that may have never of had. I see everything so differently now. Through two eyes that faced their own mortality. I find joy whenever I can. I will not let cancer steal it. And I’m not afraid of all the small stuff anymore. I smile at bootcamp class a lot – because it (those women, the ability to exercise again, to feel good) brings me more joy than I can express in words. I am comfortable in my own skin, and thankful for my growing ass.
But mostly, I’m just thankful that my ass is here, alive and cancer free.
Shannon & her ass