Breast Cancer

The Rain, The Fog and the Appreciation

canvasUsually I make no bones about it, I don’t have a lot of love for fall or winter. I love summer, the heat, the sunshine, the thunderstorms, the moon on the beach, pina coladas and getting caught in the rain. 😉 Oh fall and winter – sure, they have their beauty, but my soul shines in the summer. I’m an Aries, I’m fiery and become one with the heat in the summer.

We are venturing into fall now. (Or maybe it’s already fall and I’m just in denial). I’m still hanging on to that last little bit of summer as those shorter sunny days that greet us with the warmth of a passing summer.

And then there’s been the last five days. Rain, rain, some fog, rain, a little more fog and then more rain. I won’t lie, I looked at the extended forecast last week and got a little panicky for a moment. I felt like I was going to be trapped in the rain and the fog for ten days, wondering where is my sun. Because I need her shining brightly on me.

I spent the past year living for this past summer. Waiting a veeerrry long winter for this past summer to get here. And I’m not sure that I was ready to let go yet. Kinda wanted summer to stick around. But instead we are saying a long, slow goodbye, see you soon and I’ll miss you like a teenage beach boy crush when you part ways at the end of the summer. Because those nights looking up at the moon and holding hands were magical. And those days were warm and free and fun and full of Jimmy’Z t-shirts and INXS and Def Leppard songs while riding around with the windows down in your mom’s wood-grained station wagon.

But this year, I don’t see this as an end. Because I am thankful. Thankful because I made it to this past summer. I was exhausted and recovering, but we made the absolute most of it. We did everything we wanted to do. And I am grateful for every single moment. Even the really difficult one’s.

As Jason and I talk and find perspective in everyday life, I am finding that this is the beginning. And I’m finding my gratefulness for the rain. The grass needs the rain. The trees need the rain. The earth needs the rain. We need the rain. Everything on this planet flows, it is connected. There is magic and amazement in how it all works if you just take the time to stop and think about it.

I breathe a deep breath, exhale slowly and appreciate that I am here. Appreciate the rain and the fact that water actually falls from the sky for us. Focus on the appreciation and the awe, let go of the fear, and enjoy the moment. Truthfully, that’s what we need to be doing in every moment, isn’t it? Breathe, focus, appreciate, find joy, be present, let go and love.

So now the rain soothes my soul. The water calms my fiery side and makes me tired in a comfortable way. I realize that it doesn’t have to be the ocean water, it can be the drops that fall from the sky right above my head. And how fortunate we are that we live in an area of this earth that gets regular rain.

As we bid adieu to summer, I do feel a bit teary. But they are tears of gratitude. Tears of, “you got this”, “you made it”.  As much as Jason and I are ready to put this year behind us, we also realize that this is truly the beginning of us really living our lives with our eyes wide open. Of finding peace with so many things. Of finding more love, more compassion, more joy. Of truly living and being present in the moment, whatever that moment brings.

So this moment is bringing rain (a whole lot of it) and a learning lesson filled with appreciation for me. Purposefully slowing things down and savoring it all. Appreciating the beauty, the kids joyfully playing in the rain and feeling more grounded and appreciative than I ever have for fall and winter. I am ready to see fall’s colors without the usual panicky feeling. To breathe in the cool autumn air. And to put my photos of summer in my photo album so that when I miss her, all I have to do is open the album and feel her warmth radiating from within with love and appreciation. Filling me with that eagerness to see her again next year. Summer, I love you and I will see you next year. And next year, it’s going to be epic.

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