December 1. That date has lingered in the back of my head and the forefront of my thoughts throughout this year. I have wanted to run from it. Escaping it any way I could. I didn’t want to see it on the calendar or deal with emotions that may arise on that day. Even though this process started last fall, December 1 was my official diagnosis date. I would have preferred to not remember that date, but there was no way around it. It was the day our world crashed down on us.
But it was also the day our world changed and started all over again.
My beautiful friend Laura – fellow breast cancer sister who is writing with her amazing perspective over at ponderings-and-inspirations.blogspot.com – gave me some much needed perspective a few weeks ago and I could not be more grateful to her for it.
See, December 1st is her birthday. And the connection of it being her birthday and my diagnosis date was why she reached out to me and how we became friends. A few weeks ago Laura suggested that instead of it being all doom and gloom for me, let it be my new re-birth day. Let it be a day of new beginnings. A day to celebrate my second chance at life.
Wow. And yes. (Cue tears and awe at her beautiful perspective)
Her words (which unfortunately I’m not putting as eloquently as she did) resonated to the depth of my soul. They played over and over in my head as I began to smile. As I began to breathe. And as finally, I began to see December 1st in a brand new light.
No longer will I dwell on the doom and gloom of cancer and see December 1st in that negative light. Because it truly was a new beginning for me. Yes, being diagnosed with cancer totally sucked (on so many levels that I’m unable to explain) and treatment was beyond rough. But I got through it. We got through it. And my life and Jason’s life and many of our lives have changed because of it. For the better. We have a fresh perspective on life. We are appreciating every (well, almost every) moment of life now. We are truly living in the present. Letting the past be the past and not worrying about the future.
I don’t know that I want to throw a party on December 1st, but the fear and worry around it has completely dissolved for me. And I’m willing to let it be what it is. If I am upset on that day, then I’ll be upset. If I am happy, then I will be happy. Worrying about it only brings negativity. And what good does that do? It’s crazy really, when we worry about the future. Because when we are worrying about the future, we are not truly living in the moment. On that day, I will be grateful that I am here, that I have a second chance and an opportunity to experience December 1st this year. And super grateful to wish Laura a very Happy Birthday with a lot of love and appreciation for her friendship and perspective.